A hummingbird died in my hand today. She was lying on the barn floor and I thought she was dead, but I picked her up to find that she was breathing very slowly. My heart leapt; maybe she would live. For a moment I went into “save” mode and moved toward the house with her still in my hand to get the flower essences to bring her out of shock. But, before I made it to the house I heard so clearly: Stop. Sit down. Be still. Be quiet.
I sat in the shade of the mulberry tree and held her close to my heart. She weighed nothing; it was like holding air. My hands began to vibrate with an energy I have never felt before. Soon this energy started moving through my body and I was vibrating so intensely that I felt I might blow apart, shatter into a million pieces. It was so much energy, it gave me hope that she would be okay. Death is not an end; it is a transformation. But, knowing this does not alleviate the emotions and the sadness in the face of death. I didn’t want change; I wanted her to live. When I opened my hands the hummer looked into my eyes, stretched out her wings as if she were going to take off, and then she died.
So much transpired during the few minutes that I held this beautiful girl. We live in a world where there is constant noise, bright colors, loud music, everything bigger than life, vying for our attention. It seems it takes so much to get people to notice anything at all. Our attention spans are short; our demands for stimulation are huge. When I sat under the tree with the female hummingbird in my hand, I was so struck by her beauty, by the iridescent colors of her feathers, by the delicate curve of her head, the tiny tips of white on her tail feathers. She was so small that she was practically weightless, yet her energy was immense. I have never felt such a pulse of energy in my life. It felt at first as if it could not be coming from this small creature, yet it was. Everything around me stopped and I felt the universe in the palm of my hand.
This small bird has changed my world by her mere presence. In Chaos Theory, the Butterfly Effect points to the sensitive dependence, or connection, of all things. A small change in one place can result in large differences to a later state. In other words, the tiny flap of a butterfly’s wing can affect a hurricane.
So many times I worry about whether I’m doing enough, helping enough, contributing enough. I can feel so helpless and insignificant. It seems that what I offer is so quiet and small. Yet, a tiny bird has just changed my world forever.
We are not separate; we are all connected at all times, which means we are each a significant part of the whole. Yet we humans can be so unaware of the power of our significance. We over-estimate our importance in certain areas and under-estimate it in others. We tend to believe that bigger is better, or at least it is more; and small is insignificant. But change comes from millions of tiny acts, which ultimately means that there is no such thing as a small act. Everything we do, everything we think, everything we are matters.
I believe that the path to wholeness is the path of love. Love is often very quiet in the midst of a state of chaos or anger. It is often very subtle in the midst of disaster or the declaration of being right, and often silent in the face of the human need for revenge.
Love. It is the answer to every question; the medicine for every ill. It is the flap of the butterfly’s wing (or the hummingbird’s wing) that turns the tide that changes the wind that brings us to the place of wholeness and connection. Every tiny breath, every tiny wing beat, every thought and every action, has brought us here. Let us all remember that small things matter, that every single thing is significant. Let us celebrate each small step we take toward connection. Let us honor all that we deem small.
I am grateful to my small friend, the hummingbird. Her tiny self brought me an incredible experience of connection and wholeness that will hum through my being from this day forward. What a celebration. What a joy! What a huge thing!